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In reading letters, face-to-face conversations, we often encounter maternal guilt manifestations in online forums. We talked about this request with Ms. Rajnik, psychologist at EGO Clinic.At the beginning, I would read a few sentences from a letter that came to me. "I'm a desperate, impossible mother who did everything but everything wrong. I don't even know if I would deprive myself of anything, I feel so endless."
The letter reveals that she had a low-weight, premature baby who had nutritional problems and then struggled with learning disabilities. The mother did follow the educator's very lucky advice. The boy is going through a tough teenage crisis - and the mother is responsible for everything. If the same thing happens, you might blame the maternity care, the hospital, the nurses, the education. Where can this bulletproofing come from?
You can develop a sense of guilt for almost anything. In this case, we do not really need to look at what is the subject of guilt, but what it is that makes the person uncertain about their motherly role. You should make sure that your confidence is strengthened, that you listen to your urges and accept that no one is perfect, no one can foresee the consequences of your decisions. Parents often read extensively nowadays. This is good for some because it is demanding, and some gross educational errors due to psychological knowledge are extinct.
However, books are mostly general principles, do not take into account individual characteristics, and neither author is innocent. We always need to examine the family and the child together to overcome a situation. Many people have the image of "good baby", which can be found in books, tables and data, and in the memories of those who know them. However, the ideal child does not appear.
With a temperamental baby, it is much harder to "sin", and even to live together, than a gracefully basic, adaptable little one. And then the mother's nature was not taken into account! What you bring with you from your childhood is also important and your conscious or unconscious expectations about your child must be taken into account. Some people love to have babies and really find the sound with teenagers. It is fortunate for parents to complement each other from this point of view.
Am I a good mom?
The parents should be good too!There is no perfect mother. But how do we formulate what "old mother" is? Who can give the child the best he / she can for his / her conditions and abilities? It is so elusive.
That's what you do! One of the prerequisites for a "good enough" relationship is that both the parent and the child feel good about it. The rest is a detail request. If the mother is not in a good position, if she feels morbid or suffering from confinement, then that child is also hurt.
In this vein, I remember that in many letters to my parents, "we have the baby first," "We could do everything in the Danube," "It was more important to me. As if we did not find the place of the child in our lives. The child is a part of life, an important part of it, but it cannot completely fill it. The longer a woman learns, the more she likes her job, her job, the less she can and will want to say goodbye to her career. However, you also want to be able to turn to your child perfectly. He also enjoys spending time at home, having fun with his children, but not wanting to say goodbye to work at all. It is not an easy task to reconcile the two, concessions are needed on both fronts, but it is worth the effort because it is in the best interests of the children and the parents as well. This problem may also be present in the background of the following letters.
We have no way of giving the baby to kindergarten, but I do get sick of my soulmate, so I can't play with it all day. I learned psychology, I know how important players are in this age. He's acting alone, but I always have a sense of guilt that I don't care about. Now I get tired of it every day.
H. Kathy, Canada
For Esther, I'm like a corpse. Even a good shit doesn't have power, let alone play with them. How much I want it. I have decided several times to be a balanced, happy mother, as I would with such grand sons. I thought I was going to a psychologist, but my son hatched himself thinking that I might not think that, because I'm not a fool.
In the first half, the mother and the child are still in close unity, but after a few months, both of them have a natural need to start detaching from each other. Many mothers feel remorseful because they cannot devote every minute to the child. Intimacy, unconditional love is extremely important, but it is also important to open this situation in time. This is a great help for the father, who can work hard on the mother's "cooling off". In this case, the father-child relationship can be lost.
It is important to know that the child needs lonely moments, experiential periods, and exploration paths. Generally, it is not a mistake not to have a child entertained during the day. Anyone who does not cope with these sensations is well advised to turn to a psychologist or mentor. It is widespread that only fools do such things, even though you are not. Anyone can get into a life situation when they get stuck and need help.
Some people feel remorseful because the child is upset all day, and because of this, they become tense and even angry.
If the child is a burden, this must be admitted, accepted. The mother has performed twenty-two hours of worship, and she must be able to do it. Especially if you do not meet adults you would like to have sex with for a day. Note that every relationship has its sides. Yes, it happens that we are angry with the one we love. Anger must also manifest itself. I didn't mean to kill the kid. But we must not be frightened that we are in a rage, we must accept it, talk about it. We cannot deny this right to the child! We cannot say that you cannot be angry with your parents simply because they are your parents. However, we must learn to express our anger in an acceptable way.
It is not uncommon for a mother to be remorseful during her second pregnancy because of the inability to devote time to the "big". Then comes the problem of fraternity that you want to protect every child (or yourself?).
Here, a distinctive letter.
We give our son everything, his request is sacred. I still sleep with him to this day. He's a little caught up, he stumbles back, he doesn't respect us or the uvian. I try to impress him, in fact, sometimes I get carried away with anger and harder to be. He apologizes in this case, but then it starts all over again. We want another baby, but I'm looking forward to not being able to love all the children equally and give them everything.
J. Imréné, Szekesfehervar
Brother's birth is not a trauma! At most, it's a harder time to fall. Harder times everyone is alive, this cannot be avoided. Difficulties also have their own merits: they improve their personal capacity, increase their load capacity and solve problems. It is not good to assume from the outset that it will be bad for the child, because it is our anxiety that can eventually lead the child to escape from a "simple" difficult situation. Returning to Sibling: Long-term, it is better for a child who has a sibling, even if he or she has had to adapt to the new situation. These concerns are more about parents than about children.
My birth failed!
Tip - "Rebonding"
These wonderful moments can be spent in the days after birth or at home - Father can try it! Lay the naked baby on our bare chest, cover it if you need it. Caress, talk to her, forget about the close together for a long time. In the case of lean, restless babies, strained parents, it may prove to be a miracle, provided that we can accept that the solution to the problem is not in the newer and more recent promotions ( resignation, reassurance, release, acceptance. Let's try to make eye contact with the baby and breathe calmly and evenly.
I couldn't breastfeed!
Someone who feels like a bad mother
Anyone who gets little recognition in childhood and adulthood, but has a lot of expectations, can underestimate his or her abilities and is always geared towards foreign brands. Contact your partner or specialist for help!
Let's try to think first of all in all decision-making situations: what do we really want? What do my urges need? Write the situations according to the currency! This is often simpler than you might think: for example, when a baby is fatigued and stuck on her breast, we certainly chose the right method, regardless of when she last breastfeeded, how long she was lasting, what time of day. Or, if you do not want to eat the steaks, it is certainly not the result of a parenting error - you simply are not hungry for the little one or you do not need it. It is absolutely irrelevant that you will be eating potatoes for the first time in a week or fifteen months - whatever the order in which the foods are introduced in the table.
Let's find a way to derail the internal tension! Good news, a little anger - it is important to let our sensors flow freely. The hormones released during this time decrease the tension. If we are relieved, we will see the world in another color. Listening to music, making love, dancing, gymnastics, physical exertion (gymnastics, running, waking) can be a good method. For light explosives, we recommend yoga, Thai-chit, Moorish massage.
Crazy music for distressed parents
Let us listen to the views of others, but do not interpret the words of the council, but merely interpret one of the situations. This results in a reduction in performance and more in the exchange of experiences.
It is possible that you have a debilitating childhood depression or some kind of health problem, such as a thyroid malfunction in the background of a negative evaluation. Proper handling will quickly rebalance the balance.
OlvasnivalуkFor those who are not frightened by the fright of reading
Csokonai Kiadó, 1999