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Is it any more a burden and a loss for an older child to be born a little brother? Many mothers feel guilty about this, which is why siblings often have a hard time starting out.
I gave birth to a brotherGabi he contacted me because he didn't skin the big one. Zsуfi, the "big" three and a half years old. The little one is five lucky. Zsуfi he battles, he cries a lot, hesitates, and is not willing to cooperate with parents. Please tell me a few examples, he chooses to tell them their whole day, because he does not want to eat in the morning, but wants to see him in the morning, not to move, to go back to home, and then to go home because she's hungry, but she doesn't eat properly at home. And so on. When I ask what you do in these situations, it turns out to be practically ongoing bargaining and negotiation. Then his eyes lighten up and he says, How could we be stricter with it? It's too bad for her to have a sibling ... It turns out that already during pregnancy he was an adulteressbecause he couldn't lift Zhufi. Then, as her birth was approaching, she was terribly panicked at the thought of having to leave for three days while she was in the hospital. She won't let her grandma, though Zhushi wants to sleep there. But"Moms aren't paying attention." Gabi is terribly exhausted, and wants to assure Zhufi the same as he did before the birth of the little brother. The little one, of course, lives up to the light and announces his claims as one might expect from a fortnight. I ask you, if Zhufi is with Dad or the Grandma, they won't have sex with him either? The answer is: "We are not so foolish. In fact, there is not so much controversy, but if it is, then it will be resolved sooner. Of course, because father and grandparents can control Zhufi, the baby does not whine."
I don't want her to grow up like her!I'll ask Gabit if she has a brother. "Yes, I have a sister." And what is their relationship? "All right, but when I was a child it was very difficult. I still have the needle because Mom was just sick of it. I always made sure I went shopping, even when they would have done the shopping cart. " And the first thing to do is gabi yourself.After more consultation, Gabi reveals that he is unable to set boundaries, say no Zsуfinak, because he fears that his relationship with his children will be the same as his sister and his sister in childhood. He realized that he had to try to treat the girl as a lonely, separate person, not as his own. Until then, of course, it takes a long time, but it is also a big thing to have recognized the problem.
Natural burdensMany mothers struggle with similar feelings, though there may be other reasons. It was not worth looking for the cause, because it is easier to move on. But it can also help a lot to make us aware: a brother is a natural distress in the child's life, but not necessarily carries mental anguishyes! If we approach the matter in the fall of a sober peasant, he will win for the rest of your life. And some difficulties have to be dealt with. We can't protect our baby from all the burdens. If we did, he would not be able to adapt and would not be able to solve the everyday problems of life in his own right.Judit Szzdy psychologist
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